Hello Warriors, this is going to be a bit different because it’s out of order and not on a specific topic, this is going to be a random hopefully related post as a result of my past 2 days.
Let’s start out with the facts … we have been living through a pandemic where we all had to pivot the way things are done (yes, I know it’s good for growth) and that’s really hard – some days more than others … I already have anxiety oh and I as well as my 3 daughters are immune compromised … obstacles hurt and frankly suck no matter how many skills you have!
Now that you know that, insert reading something I didn’t know how to process and anyone that knows how anxiety works knows that this isn’t a good start. I know the skills but in the moment trying to process something I couldn’t wrap my head around the spirals started and tornados whipped terror through my brain! I completely was crushed and every word coming out of my mouth was filled with putting myself down, “what ifs” and pessimism.
Let’s point this out, even in my darkest times I try to find the positive, the lesson and silver lining almost to a fault but that has been a defense mechanism for me so I don’t have to deal with the pain but Monday all I felt was pain which wasn’t good either because there really should be balance.
One thing led to another in my brain, I started physically wandering feeling lost and then BAM down I went with tears and panic galore!!! I didn’t know what to do, say or how to feel. I haven’t had this bad of a panic attack in quite a while so this was extra hard for me to deal with. I literally went blank forgetting every skill I have learned (can’t wait to teach them to you) so all I could grab myself to do was call someone. They suggested I call a therapist and mind you I “graduated” regular therapy sessions in January 2020 so I was like what do I do and then froze again. I remembered I had an interim therapist I could call which I did.
The universe was aligning even through the tornado because the therapist was available for a call right in that moment. Right away we just digressed what was going on and then started breathing (which again I know how to do but in a panic attack breathing is one of the MOST difficult things to do) and within 3 minutes or so I started to feel my feet again rather than floating away in the galaxy. My body started to loosen releasing tension leaving a tingling feeling. We started to talk about skills I have learned and created a plan to incorporate some self soothing options. We talked about fresh air, drinking something cold (I mentioned sparkling water so my brain was clearly coming back to me because I love feeling bubbles) and making sure I feel my feet to the ground and my butt where I am sitting.
She mentioned this technique called the dive technique and suggested I research it and lets call a spade a spade that I love to learn and then love to share what I learn. Because of having a heart condition it needed to be modified (super cold wash cloth over the face instead of the ice water is what she said but I went in between and used a small ice pack) making sure just below the eyes gets pressure and it’s intended to shock the system and basically in short give you a reset. Incorporate holding breath while the cold is on for 30 seconds then do some rounds of square breathing and results will happen let me tell you. My pulse came down from the 100s into the 90s during the phone call and this brought me down into the 80s which felt less pressure on the chest and the shaking went down to my recently new normal tremor level.
One thing I have to share is that she mentioned that anxiety/mental health struggles are never going to be cured because it isn’t a sinus infection. I laughed and wow did that laugh feel good but so did the realization that this is isn’t going away so I need to give myself grace and take in strides as we go through it because it’s not going away. Warriors, let us celebrate how hard we work to make it look easy that others don’t see our pain and even if they do let’s own the fact of how hard this is on our bodies!!!
Yesterday I took some time to just re-center myself so we watched “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” as I turned on the chromecast and it was suggested (again the universe suggesting things that I needed). Seeing Alexander and his family have a crap day at the end they realize that the bad days make the good days that much better and that as long as we have each other we can get through it. Today I am feeling pretty good, not quite back to my new normal but so much more grounded and ready to start over! Turning my crap into craptastic (making the crap fantastic) so lets do this.
I know we all have different struggles but let’s not do it alone! Please know you can comment here, on social media or on YouTube to all band together and support one another. (All links can be found on @surviveyourstruggle | Linktree)
As I close I want you to take away that I am no better than you, still struggling authentically but want to take what I have been through and still going through to help you on your journey.
~ Peace and Love Warriors ~
Survive Your Struggle 